Close Your Eyes
by mandcullenx
Summary: Bella Swan committs suicide.. only, she doesn't. She attempts suicide and is taken to the hospital when Charlie finds her. Edward is a nurse at the hospital and is there when she wakes up. Will he be able to find the real Bella that everyone once knew?
1. Chapter 1

**Okay so I got a bran-spankin'-new idea. I've been reading this really amazing book and got the idea for a suicide-ish story. I'm still writing my other story - don't give up hope (if you're reading it) - I'm just sort of lacking idea's right now. I will be writing for that very soon, within the next few days. Promise! Now read this and please review, hope you like it!! I know it's pretty short but the following chapters won't be. I just wanted this chapter to sort of.. stand alone? Nothing else with it. Thanks!**

**Everything belongs to SM. I love her.**

*

"Goodbye, Dad. Have a good day at work." I called from the front door. "Love you!" It was something I never yelled. Something we never really said to one another, but today, I felt it was apropriate._ I'm sorry._

I turned away from the door and closed it behind me. _Stick to the plan_, I thought. _You can't be weak, not now_. I climbed the stairs, slowly. I could not let myself chicken out. I could not go back to school, I could not face Charlie again. This was my best option, the best thing for everyone. I reached the top of the stair case. What now? I thought. Go to my bedroom? Should I do some last minute things? Call Angela? She was, really, the only person close to a friend that I had. My Mother, well, I would see her soon enough. Phil, too. I had no bets to say goodbye to. I had just said my last goodbye's to Charlie. Poor, poor Charlie. All I did was head to my radio and pop in a mixed cd that my ex-boyfriend from Phoenix had made me. Even. That bastard. Why did he have to have such good taste in music? I put it on full blast and let the music fill me.

I crossed the hall to the bathroom. I opened the cabinet attached to the wall. I looked at my options. I picked up a few different bottles and cases. The one that was the fullest and was most likely my best bet, I picked up and carried back to my bedroom. Thank god Charlie had sleeping problems.

I opened the bottle cap slowly. It popped off and fell into my sheets. I poured out the pills one at a time. There were fourty one out of fourty eight caplets.

I put three in my mouth. They were tiny little pills. I swallowed them with spit. I found a bottle of water on my nightstand, half gone, and took a sip. Then I took five more. I took a long sip of water. I put ten in my mouth and then, with water still in there, popped in two more. I swallowed hard. Then, I tipped my head back and took the rest, twenty one pills. I shoved them in my mouth, careful not to miss a single one. I chugged the rest of my water. I took a deep breath when I was done, because I had accomplished something. I had actually done it, just like I'd planned.

I stared at my bed, at the purple comforter on top. The little planted cactus that was sitting next to where my water once was. I opened a little jewelry box that was sitting underneath my night stand. I slid out a beautiful star necklace that my Mother had given me for my sixteenth birthday. It had a round moonstone in the center. The edges of the stars were pointy but I put it on, anyway. _What the hell. I won't feel it soon enough. _I sighed. I had thought this over many times, but had not really come to a decision of whether or not I really, truly, wanted to die. _Too late now, _I thought.

I looked over my room. Most of it was the same from when I was little. I brought a picture of Renee and Phil, my cactus, and a few odds and ends from my other room, like stuffed animals. The rest of the room was not mine. The whole house was not mine. Nothing in Forks was mine, at all.

I sprawled out on my bed, right in the center, and stared at the ceiling. I shut off the light, and then, slowly, I reached down to turn off the music. I felt a little wobbly. Was that my imagination? I raised my hand. It felt strange, looked strange. Everything was strange. I turned over in my bed, as much as I could under the weight of the pills. I threw my head down on my pillow. It felt amazing. My music, blaring. It was wonderful. It sounded strange - did I hear a car door slam? Of course I didn't. Or maybe it was something I hadn't heard in the music before. I tried to pull the blankets over my head but my hand didn't feel like it was working. Maybe it was my imagination.I let my eyelids shut.

Re-opening them felt like such work. I just laid in my dark world listening to my music. If this is what death felt like, it wasn't so bad. I just felt really tired. _Those are the sleeping pills. _I tried to reason with myself. This wasn't death. This was the pills, working. Loads of people did this - did _that_ this way.

My eyes felt like they had been locked shut. Even if I felt like opening them, I couldn't. But, I didn't want to. I loved sleep, and that's exactly what this felt like. I was just going to sleep.

I was going under. I would not return.

This was it.

I was now...

dead.

*

**Did you like it? Next one's will be longer.**

**Review please!**


	2. Chapter 2

"Bella?" The word was meaningless, sounded like it was being poured through a sive. "Bella?" Someone repeated. It echoed.

I felt my eyelid lift and a bright light being shone into my pupil. "Bella can you hear me?"

I dragged a breath in - I was about to tell whoever was poking and prodding and talking to me to shut up and go away. Death was utterly peaceful at first - wonderfully dark and quiet - and they were ruining all that. Who was it, anyway? I didn't think you had vistors when you were dead - but taking such a deep breath had felt like I had just swollowed a knife. My esophogas was burning. I thought about screaming but that would make it all worse.

"Bella, look at me."

I groaned - ow - I would look at them, and I would tell whoever it is to _shut up_ and leave me be. I fluttered my eyes. I was staring into the eyes of my father. Charlie? Charlie.

"Oh Bella!" He started to weap. "Oh Bella!" He came and took my hand. He started to pet my hair. "Oh Bella." He murmered again.

"Oh fuck." I cried. No, no this wasn't happening. I wasn't alive, Charlie couldn't be here. I took pills! Fourty one god damn sleeping pills were supposed to put you to sleep! I'm dead. "I-I'm not.." I cried. Big sobs were wracking my body and tearing at my burning throat.

"No, honey, you're okay, you're right here with me." Charlie sounded like this was a good thing. This was not a good thing. I didn't want to be okay. I wasn't okay.

"No." I croaked out.

"Yes." He sounded so happy. That made me cry so much more. I shook my head and tried to wipe my tears - my hands were connected to wires. That's when I heard the beeping. My life line.

I took a deep breath. "My throat?" I closed my eyes. I couldn't even kill myself right.

"They had to pump your stomach. Oh, baby, why? Why?"

I shook my head. I could not talk to my Father about trying to kill myself. I couldn't contain my sobs yet, my sore throat making it all the worse.

"Dad. I need something for my throat." I pushed myself up in the bed and took in my surroundings. I was in a private room, beeping and boxes all around me. I was in one of thsoe gross, backless gowns and the sheet was not pulled up nearly high enough to be braless infront of my Dad.

"Okay, honey. I'll go get something, I'll be right back."

I let out a deep breath when Charlie left the room. I thought I'd never see him again. It almost stopped me from doing it, from going through with it. I would have missed Charlie and Renee so much. But nothing else was keeping me alive and I knew they'd forgive me eventually.

I was just such a sad person. I was an average student but hated the thought of any kind of job - I wouldn't want to be a doctor, seeing all those helpless people (the humor escaped me at this moment), or a lawyer, I couldn't be a journalist to save my soul, or a writer. I didn't have the stage presents or the voice to be an actress or singer, wasn't talented enough to be a painter, had to style to be a stylist, no interest in beautician, or photographer, spa hand or makeup artist. Got depressed when I was hurt animals so vet was out, too. I hated the intense heat to be a chef and couldn't stand the thought of a fast food employee or walmart associate. So, I had no future.

Boys hadn't been interested in me since I beat up Tommy Litmore in grade 6. I was too good for the bad boys and too bad for the good boys. I hadn't found myself attractive for years now.

So since I had no job, no husband, no hope, I decided why not end it now?

And now - and now, the door was opening. Charlie. Thank god, throat relief. No, not Charlie.

"Who are you?" I breathed.

"I'm Edward Cullen, your nurse. Charlie stepped out, so I step in. Here are your icechips." He placed a small cup in my hand.

"Thanks." I said quietly. "Where did my Dad go?"

"He went out to the lobby." The nurse - Edward said. He picked up a clip board that was attached to the end of my bed. He looked up at my face, into my eyes for a brief moment. "You're so lucky." He said quietly.

I popped an icechip into my mouth - although I was hoping Charlie would find something closer to some green tea, or a throat lonzenge or, I don't know, a bottle of Jack. "Is that so?"

"Oh that's right - you didn't want to be lucky. You wanted to die." He said in a monotone voice.

"Pardon me?" My throat scratched.

He cleared his throat quite loudly. _Show off_. "You-"

The door swung open. Charlie? No, not Charlie. "Bella, you've come around." A deep, lucious voice coo'd. "I'm Doctor Cullen."

"I've got a Doctor Cullen _and_ a nurse Cullen?"

The Doctor of the two grabbed the clipboard from the nurse and stood right next to me. "You're one of the lucky ones." He laughed.

"What?"

"Well you get me and my boy. How're you feeling." He stared down at his clipboard the whole time.

"A bit suprised actually, I didn't think I was going to wake up. Ever." I said bitterly.

A got a hearty laugh out of the Doctor, though. "So, Bella, we're going to have to keep you here for a few days under suicide watch, but you seem to be keeping alright. Any questions?"

"Uh.. where's Char- um.. my Dad?"

"I believe he stepped out into the lobby. I think he's on the phone."

"Oh."

He smiled and started to retreat.

"Doctor?"

"Please, call me Carlisle." He said as he ran a hand through a shock of blonde hair.

"I'm cold."

"Well, Edward would be happy to assist you with finding a solution, afraid I gotta run. Take care, Bella."

"I'm not so sure about that." I muttered as Edward walked over to me, once again the clipboard in his hand. Weren't they done with that thing yet?

"Afraid all I got to offer you is more of those lovely gowns and some more itchy sheets. What'll it be?" He said sarcastically.

"Just the gowns. And my Dad, if you see him?" God, who did this guy think he was?

"You got it." He turned and put the clipboard back on the end of my bed. He took long strides before he closed the door. "Can someone watch her?" I heard him announce on the other side. "I need to get the princess some gowns." He said mockingly. "God I hate this ward." And I saw his figure retreat.

"Mr. Cullen keep your voice down." Someone shooshed him.

And thats when I started to cry once more.


End file.
